Once an addict always an addict.

25 Jun

Last Sunday I pigged out a bit more than I should have. I felt it from the morning that it was going to be one of those days.A certain unrest and craving like no other.  I spent the day on the boat with a friend and when I got back to my car I drove straight to a cafe` and bought 4 tiny macarons (the size of a 50c coin), a piece of Victoria Sponge cake and 2 cupcakes. I got home and I sat down to eat them all (well the macarons were devoured in the car). Thankfully I did not like the cupcakes so I did not eat all of them. I then moved on to eating slices of brown bread with some dips that I had bought for the day to share on the boat. It was not good however it was nowhere near as bad as my binges before my healthy lifestyle change.

However I felt that even though I did pig out I was still in control to a certain extent. At the cafe` I wanted to buy loads more cakes and cupcakes but I didn’t. I did feel a little bit guilty but not that much as I knew I would make up for it the following day but the point is I still gave in.

I could never understand the phase ‘once an addict always an addict’ even through the worst of my food addiction. I guess I was still in the phase were I was feeding my addiction so I could not understand. Now I do. Someone once said on FB that that phrase is untrue and it got me thinking about it for a while but I think that it is very correct. Once an addict, always an addict. The worst thing about a food addiction is that unlike alcohol and drugs for example you need food to survive. So you are trying to quit something that you need to have every day. It is a total mind f*ck.

Which leads me to wondering WHY I gave in to my cravings this time. I think the reason why I gave in is because Thursday and Friday before I did not get any exercise in simply because I did not have the time. Also on the Sunday I did not do any exercise. Could it be I replaced my food addiction with an exercise addiction and it is exercise that keeps me going? it is possible but it is also scary. What if the time comes when I cannot exercise as frequently as I am now? Do I go back to my food addiction? Obviously these are rhetorical questions which I cannot answer right now.

I am pretty convinced that I have very strong will power which will be with me for the rest of my life. This time it is different than other times.

Thankfully I am now down 50kilos so I know I am on the right path!

10 months later…. 105 lbs lighter

9 Jun

I apologise for my lack of posts but life happens :).

I have now shed a total of 48 kilos (105 lbs) which is insane. The changes in my life are incredible. It is as though i am a new person. I am doing things I have never done before, doing things I have never been able to enjoy before. Everything fits me BIG which is great, but also a bit of a problem as I do not have much to wear right now lol but hey, not complaining hehe. I love trying on clothes that previously did not fit or fit tight and finding that I either cannot wear them at all because they are just too large or fit into clothes that I wore years ago like the dress I wore for my brothers wedding which needs to be taken in.

These trousers for example used to be skin tight…. not any more and soon I won’t be able to wear them !


My love for boxing continues to grow and grow. It has become a passion now like my singing. My only qualm is that I did not find boxing earlier in my life but hey, better ‘late’ than never. I am now training to compete and I have already gotten hit a few times during training but it does not put me off in the least. Maybe I am a bit of a masochist, or maybe I have not gotten hit hard enough yet lol. Either way it has yet to be seen.

I am also having to get used to people NOT staring at me like they used to. I was walking around in my swimsuit this weekend at the beach and expected stares but I did not get any (if I did I did not see them anyway). I also expected the staring this weekend at Earth Garden as I was wearing jeans and a fitted top but they did not come either. it is weird, but good weird. Now I just have to condition my mind to stop expecting people to stare :).

Anyway I will try and update more often and share my journey with people who might need the motivation. If anyone has any question to ask just leave me a comment :)

Making up!

9 Mar

After the weekend I had (as I mentioned in my last post) it’s going to be a brown rice & vegetables kind of week. So I tried a simple recipe I found online. This is the final result:

I have to say it came out really well and it was quite tasty. 

On my way to training today I ran across an organic shop called La Coccibella. I stopped to have a look and bought organic oil from their own organic farm. They also had these pressed juices which do not have any added sugars or syrups. They are great to have around especially if you don’t have time to juice your own vegetables & you want something different to water! 

The flavours I got are Apple, pineapple, lemon, mint, pear and the other one is apple, carrot & ginger. They are delicious and you can tell from the taste that there is no added anything, especially if you juice regularly. 

Tomorrow I am going to The Veg Box to get some organic vegetables. I but more on that tomorrow! 

One of THOSE weekends!

9 Mar

It was a weekend of FOOD. I tried as much as I could to stick to healthy options but sometimes there wasn’t the option plus sometimes temptation is hard to resist. To top it all off I have no exercised in 3 days.

However I will not let it put me down ! This is a new week. I will make up for the weekend, I will exercise, I will get back on track.

I have cut down red meat completely and am leaning towards the pescatarian way of life. My aim is to stop bread completely and sugar (with teas and coffees mostly). I will probably end up just cutting down on bread. I do find myself eating perhaps more than I should. I have also been exploring the organic side of life. The only problem is that not all products labelled as organic are always organic unfortunately. I am however researching genuine organic vegetable vendors in Malta and visiting health food shops more.

This is a process but I am loving every second of it :)

I love it!

20 Feb

So my last post was about plateauing. I can safely say that I have moved off from there and have officially reached the 40kg weight loss mark. Needless to say I am terrible happy.

I have also discovered the joys of BOXING. Say what? A friend of mine has been doing it for 4 years and she got me into it as I was bored of the gym and was looking at something different. I only started 2 weeks ago but I have already gone to around 10 sessions. I am absolutely ‘addicted’ to it. The work outs are an hour long but they seem to last only 5 minutes because they are just so much fun not to mention it is an absolutely complete work out in relation to cardio and strength.

The gym itself is not particularly large but there is a gorgeous view of the sea and it is equipped with everything you need plus the staff and instructors are so lovely. I wake up looking forward to going there every morning. It is such a positive place to go to. They are all so supportive and really encourage me to be better and to live better.

I might be interested in eventually sparring. Time will tell what my interest is leaning towards.

In the meantime i have just been eating right. Sure I do occasionally have things which are essentially not part of a healthy diet but I am trying to do something that I will be able to keep for the rest of my life and what I am doing right now is something I can keep for the rest of my life.

Breaking the plateau.

26 Jan

I had been stuck on the same weight for around a month, Christmas was tough but I kept up the exercise therefore I only gained a kilo and a bit. I managed to lose the kilo within a week but then I got stuck on that weight for a few weeks. I did not give up however since I know a plateau is something common in weight loss.

This week i managed to finally break it. I lost around 2.5 kilos which means I have lost around 37 kilos now which is definitely the most weight I have ever lost. I slacked on exercise this week, not because I was lazy but because I did not have any time at all to fit any in. Between work, rehearsals and concerts there was no time at all. I managed to go for a short 33 minute walk with my mother yesterday however so that is better than nothing.

So I am happy that I am back on track now. :).

Transformation. My story.

14 Jan

I declare 2015 the year of change and transformation. For those who know me they will know I have battled a weight problem all my life. My unhealthy relationship with food was very psychological therefore there was no way in hell I was ever going to overcome my physical problem before tackling the mental side of things. I am a food addict. To some, a food addiction might be a funny concept. To me it is very real.

Last year I admitted myself to an eating disorders residence were I spent two month tackling my problem both from a mental and a physical aspect. It was tough at first especially with the cravings I had. I went from binge eating thousands of calories a day and gorging on sugar and eating everything I wanted to controlled portions, planning my meal and snack times and most importantly eating healthy. Naturally I got mood swings, I got irritable. At the centre they always told us that weight loss was not even secondary but it was just a result of the healthy changes we were going to make in our lives. I learnt so much in my two month stay there. I learnt all about food myths, I learnt how to eat right, I learnt WHY certain foods/products are so bad for us (sweetener vs. sugar), I learnt how to properly read food labels and why low fat and low sugar and diet products are sometimes much worse for you. I learnt about metabolism and how it works and WHY you should not cut down calories. I learnt why these fad diets are in the long run much worse for you and I also learnt that CARBS are not the enemy!  I learnt so so much that I feel I want to educate people. So many people started a ‘diet’ for the new year and so many people are doing the wrong thing. But I keep my mouth shut, unless people ask me for advice because at the end of the day I am still large and I still have a long way to go so who am I to tell people how to eat right when I am not slender myself? (this is the way people think).

I am so happy that 5 months later I am still so motivated and I still exercise regularly. I have shed over 30 kilos so far and even though the number is not important obviously it is a motivator in itself to see the weight go down. However the difference this time is that I am enjoying the journey, I am loving the changes in my body. I am loving that my fitness level keeps getting higher and higher. I am so much happier, I have so much more confidence and even though I get a few days were things are a bit ‘meh’ most of the time I pick myself up. Before one bad day used to result in me reverting back to my old eating habits. Now I am equipped with the materials to cope with that.

I have already written a lot but I will leave you with some of my favourite motivational quotes.

if-i-quit-now-ill-soon-be-back-where-i-started a-year-from-now-you-will-wish-you-had-started-today


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